I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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