Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
