5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
