I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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