I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
