Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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