Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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