i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
