I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
