drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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