if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
