I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
