He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
