He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
