I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize