I don't think brook has ever known best
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
