Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
