fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
