If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
