capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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