When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
