I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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