He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
