It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
