i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
