went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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