The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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