whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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