How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
