i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
