yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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