real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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