at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
