Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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