piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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