my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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