my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pooping to opera.
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