New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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