If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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