no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
