I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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