I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
