Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
