Duck Duck Cougar?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
