my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need moral support for this bender
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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