I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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