Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
