I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
