were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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