That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
