if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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