I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
