I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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