Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
