she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
