he thought i was a dude.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
