haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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