She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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