Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
