So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Michael Bay diarrhea
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
