Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
