I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
