what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
