I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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