ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Too much gin, very little bucket
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
