3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you will always have a special place in my vag
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
