I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
