WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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