So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
