Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
