but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
