Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
