Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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