Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
