how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
