You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The best revenge is premature balding
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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