The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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