i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
